God’s message to husbands is to love their wives, and His message to wives is to respect their
husbands. Hello, I’m Phil Sanders. And this is a Bible study, “In SEARCH of the Lord’s Way.” Stay tuned
and we’ll see why He spoke about love and respect.

Welcome to In SEARCH of the Lord’s Way. The Lord always gives the best instructions that provide
for the peace and happiness of His people. The Lord’s instructions on marriage is no exception. God
unites us in marriage and gives us the guidance that we most need to live happy and godly lives.

 

Marriage, as God wills it, provides love, security, and stability to our lives. It’s truly the foundation of
the family. Thanks for taking time with us today. We want to be part of your life each week.

 

A Christian husband and wife, as those things, we should do what is right, even when doing what’s
right isn’t easy. Jesus set the example. 1 Peter 2:21 to 23 says, “For to this you have been called,
because Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example, so that you might follow in his steps. He
committed no sin, neither was deceit found in his mouth. When he was reviled, he did not revile in
return; when he suffered, he did not threaten, but continued entrusting himself to him who judges
justly.” Jesus loved us even when we were unlovely and sinful. He died for us, even when we were
helpless and ungodly.

 

All marriages go through rough spots and challenges. And I know that Jackie and I had our share of
parenting responsibilities, financial challenges, and health problems. And I’m certainly not the perfect
husband, and Jackie has had to put up with all my weaknesses. Through it all, we’ve never forgotten
the commitment that we made to each other in the presence of God and witnesses. Both of us vowed
to love and respect each other. When we turn to Scripture, love and respect are the key to happiness
in marriage.

 

Now, if you want to study more about marriage, we’re offering this free little book, Together For
Life, and you can have it, it’s free. Or a CD of this study just for the asking. If you live in the United
States, mail your request to In Search of the Lord’s Way, P.O. Box 371, Edmond, OK 73083 or send an email to searchtv@searchtv.org. Or, you can call our toll-free telephone number. That number is 1-
800-321-8633. Now if you live outside the United States, we also have materials free online, and you
can stream this program on our website www.searchtv.org.

 

Larry Owsley will lead the Edmond church in song, we’ll read from Ephesians 5:22 to 27, and see
the values of love and respect to marriage.

 

Our reading today comes from Paul’s epistle to the Ephesians chapter 5 verses 22 to 27. And here
the inspired apostle gives God’s instructions to families, to husband and wives.

 

Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as
Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. But as the church is
subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.

 

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her, so that He
might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that He might present
to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she would
be holy and blameless. It’s a beautiful thing , husbands love their wives and wives respect their husbands.

 

Let’s pray. Oh Father we’re thankful that You have given us the example of the Lord Jesus Christ and the church.
As an example for husbands and wives. Help us to live as You would have us to live and be what You
want us to be. In Jesus name, Amen.

The Scriptures teach the husband is the head of his wife, and she is to be subject to him. In our day,
when equality seems to be so important, some think it’s unfair that God gave authority to husbands
over their wives. But this authority, however, never gives men the right to abuse or dominate their
wives. Any man who treats the woman he married unkindly is breaking God’s law. He’s not only
disobeying God, he’s also deceiving himself. Only a fool believes abusing his wife will benefit him. Wise
husbands understand the better that they treat their wives, the more their wives will respond with
love and respect.

 

When husbands fail to love their wives, their wives react with disrespect. When husbands sense a
lack of respect from their wives, they often act in ways that are unloving. So these feelings of being
disrespected or unloved tear apart the marriage. But, when husbands show love and wives show
respect, the marriage prospers and strengthens. You can make your marriage brighter and better,
husbands, if you can learn to demonstrate Christian love to your wife.

 

If a disrespected husband will love his wife anyway, and if a wife who feels unloved will respect her
husband anyway, they can start putting their damaged marriage back together. A wise husband pays
attention to his wife. And he’s able to see what she needs to be happy. And every woman needs to
feel her husband is close to her and cares about her. Some husbands keep their distance from their
wives, and their wives feel unloved because of it. Wives need husbands who will open up enough to
share their thoughts and feelings. She feels unwanted or unneeded when he closes up and shuts her
out of his life. When he keeps his life secret from her, she feels he doesn’t love her enough to trust her.
Wives need to know their husbands are loyal to the marriage, that he’s not looking elsewhere. She also
needs to know he sees her as the most important person in his life (except for God). She needs to
know that he cherishes and honors her.

 

The most important thing a husband can do is love his wife. 1 Corinthians 13:4 to 8 says that, “Love
is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own
way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love
bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.” It never fails.
Love may start with a warm feeling, but we must learn how to love our wives; and wives must learn
how to love their husbands.

 

Some folks are harder to love than others, that’s true, and love will require lots of patience and
kindness. Love demands that we set “self” aside. I can’t love someone else if I’m focused only on
myself and I’m self-centered. Love rules out envy, and arrogance and rudeness. It learns to let small
things slide and not be irritated all the time. Love bears what marriage demands, it believes and hopes
the best in our spouse, and it endures. Love determines to put the best interests of our spouses before
our own, regardless of the cost. Jesus loved the church like that, and He asks husbands to love their
wives that way as well.

 

Now, loving your wife involves taking the time to be close to her and to listen. The happiest couples
spend time with each other, talking and listening to each other. Husbands and wives should spend a
good while each day in meaningful conversation. Turn the tv off, get away from the computer, and talk
face to face. A wise husband will take the time to share his life with the woman that he loves. He wants her to know about him and he wants to invest his life in her by listening. To fail to pay attention to your
wife is to say to her that you don’t care what she has to say. Such behavior is abusive not loving.
James 1:19 to 20 says, “Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to
speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness that God requires.”

Much of the anger in our homes would go away if people would take the time to listen and understand
the people they love. Listen to your spouse, let her finish her sentences, don’t act rashly or hastily. Try
to understand her life from her point of view.

 

Treat your wife with kindness 1 Peter 3 and verse 7 says: “Likewise, husbands, live with your wives
in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with
you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.” Some men have the awful attitude
that because husbands are the head of the wife, that this position of authority gives them the right to
dominate or abuse their wives with their power. Well, any man who treats his wife like a doormat is
violating the will of God. Abusive power is a marriage killer. Husbands, treat your wife kindly, tell your
wife how important and valuable she is to you. Watch for the loving smile on her face when you do
that! The Proverbs writer said, “An excellent wife, who can find? For her worth is far above jewels. The
heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain.” (Proverbs 31:10 to 11). Notice how
the wise husband trusts his wife’s judgments and realizes how fortunate he is to have her. It’s utter
foolishness for a man to expect his wife to love him and meet all his needs, while he treats her
unkindly. Husbands, love your wives.

 

Jesus taught, “In everything, therefore, treat people the same way you want them to treat you, for
this is the Law and the Prophets” (Matthew 7 and verse 12). I’m amazed how kind and good people can
be to those outside the family, they’ll be nice to them, but they’ll treat their families, their own families
with disrespect. You know if we could see ourselves as we really are and how we treat our families, we
might be quite shocked. If we had a tape recording of our words or a video of our actions, we might
see ourselves the way our families see us. Some folks never consider how difficult they make their
family’s lives. And that’s why, every now and then, it’s good for all of us to kind of step back and take a
long look at how we’ve treated our families. Empathy is the ability to see things through the eyes of
another and to feel what he or she is feeling. Sometimes we look at ourselves through other’s eyes.
And when we do that, we ask, what are we gonna see? Will we like what we see?

 

A wise husband will also be the spiritual leader in his home. It’s spiritually important for couples to
spend time together singing, praying, and reading the Bible. There’s great value in a husband and wife
privately praying together every day. Prayer allows husbands and wives to take their burdens together
to God the Father. It allows them to express to each other and with each other’s presence and in the
presence of God to talk about their own concerns and needs. When two people pray with each other,
they develop a spiritual intimacy and unity that builds their relationship. Christian marriages, where
God is the center of the home, where love and where patience and forgiveness are present, and where
God’s laws are obeyed, almost never end in divorce. God’s ways are not only right ways; they are the
best ways. And when people truly live out their faith, the way God intended, they find their marriages
to be the happiest and most loving. Husbands, do your best to make your home what God would have
it to be. Be the spiritual leader in your home. God’s way is truly, truly, a way of blessing.

 

Peter said in 1 Peter 3:1 to 6: “Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if
some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives—when
they see your respectful and pure conduct. Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair,
the wearing of gold, or the putting on of clothing—but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting
to their husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good
and do not fear anything that is frightening.” Sarah is an ideal for Christian wives to follow. As an
apostle Peter was inspired of God and as an elder, Peter himself was married. He knew the great
blessing of having a good wife.

 

God says in 1 Corinthians 7 and verse 2, “But because of immoralities, each man is to have his own
wife, and each woman is to have her own husband.”  Making your home as God teaches is critical to a
happy life. Proverbs 12 and verse 4, says, “An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who
shames him is as rottenness in his bones.” In Proverbs 18 and verse 22 Solomon said, “He who finds a
wife finds what is good and receives favor from the LORD”; but in 19:13 he said, “a quarrelsome wife is
like a constant dripping.” Just like a dripping faucet, a quarrelsome wife is a constant irritation.

 

Proverbs 19:14 says, “Houses and wealth are inherited from parents, but a prudent wife is from the
LORD.” A man who has a godly and wise wife is doubly blessed. Proverbs 31gives us a marvelous
insight into a virtuous woman, who would be a prize to any man. It begins the in Proverb 31 verse 10
with the words, “A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies.” He ends
the chapter by saying, “Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be
praised” (Proverbs 31:30).

What kind of wife does God wish women to be? Paul says wives should show respect for their
husbands. Many women find it hard to respect men. Some have stereotyped men as crude or juvenile,
unworthy of respect. Masculinity, as a whole, has been under attack in our culture. Some actually think
that we don’t need men at all. But humanity couldn’t function or reproduce itself without men. Many
men work very hard and sacrifice a great deal to provide for their wives and families. Many men spend
hours caring for their wives and children every day. Many men are sensitive and understanding when
they need to be and firm when they need to be. Men who love their wives and live the Christian life of
honesty, and integrity and purity will be men worthy of love and respect. Some men, sadly, live
without integrity or purity. They treat their wives harshly. And I think how tragic! Wives, however,
should still respect their husbands.

 

Well why do you say that? Well, how can a wife respect her husband when he doesn’t deserve it?
Well, she gives him respect, both because of who he is and because of who she is. She gives her
husband respect, because she belongs to God and it’s God’s will. And we must do what is right
regardless of what others do. Just as I’d tell a husband to love a wife that is hard to love, I’d tell a wife
to respect her husband even when he is hard to respect. Paul said in Ephesians 5:33, “Nevertheless let
each individual among you also love his own wife even as himself; and let the wife see to it that she
respect her husband.”

Let’s pray together. Oh, Father we pray as husbands and wives that each of us may give love and
respect to our spouses. That we may care for Your will and live out the things that You’ve taught us. So
that our homes will be happy. This we pray in the name of Jesus, Amen.

If you want a better marriage, start looking at yourself. How are you treating your spouse? Instead
of constantly criticizing, start evaluating yourself. You can help your marriage by improving yourself,
rather than putting down your mate. Let’s clean up our own lives before we focus on the faults of our
spouses. Women, do you show respect to your husband? Men, do you show love to your wife? Men
are you meeting your wife’s needs for love and attention, and women are you honoring your husband
by meeting his needs?

We can’t change our spouses by making unreasonable demands, but we can change ourselves.
When we change for the better, and our spouses will appreciate those changes and we’ll want to
change as well. Now improving our marriages begins with improving our hearts. Nothing makes a more
loving heart, than entering into a loving relationship with God. When the love of God is in your heart,
you’ll become more loving and respectful to your family.

 

Does the love of God live in you? Are you committed to Christ? To become a Christian you must
have love for and faith in the Lord Jesus Christ. Loving God means turning away from the sinful and
hurtful ways of the world and embracing the loving and righteous ways of Christ. We call this
repentance, a change of heart that leads to a change of life. Now, upon your repentance and the
confession of your faith, the Lord asks you to be baptized in His name, immersed in water for the
forgiveness of your sins. And in baptism you’ll be united with Christ in His death, burial, and
resurrection according to Romans 6:3 to 7. The Lord will wash away your sins (Acts 22:16) and add you
to His church (Acts 2 and verse 47). And you’ll be in God’s family. Oh, I hope you’ll come to Christ
today.

We hope that today’s study about love and respect has stirred your heart to make your home
better. We’re offering this free booklet “Together For Life”. And if you live in the United States and
want this free booklet or a CD of our message, mail your request to In Search of the Lord’s Way, P.O.
Box 371, Edmond, OK 73083 or send an e-mail to searchtv@searchtv.org. Or, you can call the Search
office toll-free at 1-800-321-8633. And you can download these lessons or a newsletter online at our
website: www.searchtv.org. There’s also a schedule of our programs and a map with the location of
churches in your area. You can watch SEARCH anytime on YouTube! Subscribe to our channel,
“SearchTVMinistry.” We also offer free Bible Correspondence courses. Now if you get a hold of us
don’t worry, we’re not going to be pestering you for money. We’re here to help you get to heaven.

 

We do ask that you focus your heart on God today by worshiping at church. There’s probably a
church of Christ in your area. And if you’re looking for a healthy, Biblical church home, we’ll be happy
to help you find one. We’ll be back next week, Lord willing. So keep searching God’s Word with us and
tell a friend about this program. As always God bless you and we love you from all of us at In Search of
the Lord’s Way.